


For Pride, Fear, or Bravery

by LoneAngel



Category: Merlin - Fandom
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, M/M, Not Canon Compliant, Slightly Darker Mood
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-01
Updated: 2019-01-01
Packaged: 2019-10-02 06:12:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,997
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17259032
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LoneAngel/pseuds/LoneAngel
Summary: Arthur isn’t ready to take a leap of faith.....yet.





	For Pride, Fear, or Bravery

**Author's Note:**

> This is slightly darker and fluffy at the same time, so I hope you all enjoy it and thanks for reading! 
> 
> P.S. I might make a couple chapters as an extended storyline based on this one, so we’ll see how it goes.

Merlin closed his eyes and leaned in.

“What on earth are you doing?!” There was a muffled crash as the chair Arthur had been sitting on tumbled to the ground, taking the prince with it. 

Merlin’s light eyes flew open like a startled deer and his face was suddenly bright red. He almost looked up at Arthur, who had managed to sort out his cape and stand up, but instead he riveted his eyes to the shiny boots mere inches from his face. He sank back on the floor, legs curled around him. “I—I’m sorry.” He could feel Arthur waiting for him to babble on, like he always did. But this time was different. This time he just waited silently for judgement to fall.  
Arthur tilted his head slightly, realizing that Merlin had that hurt feelings look on his face. “Don’t look at me like that. You’re the one who, who....you kissed me!!” He hated being the one that was chattering nervously, yet here he was. 

“I’m not looking at you and I didn’t kiss you.” Merlin’s voice was quiet and not quite defiant. “I only tried to kiss you.” 

The noises that came out of Arthur’s mouth as he tried to find the words, any words, to say what he was feeling were distinctly undignified, to say the least. Fortunately, it was just him and Merlin, and Merlin....well, Merlin wasn’t exactly someone who would care if he wasn’t acting princely enough. Maybe he would tease and make fun, but Arthur always knew that he didn’t actually care. So when Merlin snorted a mocking laugh, Arthur looked at him with eyes widened with surprise.

“The great king-to-be of Camelot, speechless over someone trying to kiss him.” Arthur frowned at the darkly mocking tone of Merlin’s voice. He honestly had never heard Merlin sound so....what was it? Hurt? Offended? Angry? Arthur looked down at him wordlessly, a deep frown settled into his face and even the way he stood. 

“Get up,” Arthur said quietly, suddenly in possession of his most kingly tone of voice. Merlin looked up slowly, eyes stopping just short of meeting Arthur’s eyes. Arthur really didn’t expect him to obey, but just before he could move to drag Merlin to his feet, Merlin stood and faced him with his shoulders squared. Bright blue eyes met his, and they were definitely defiant now.  
Merlin raised an eyebrow slowly, waiting for his next command. Arthur chewed his lip for a moment, then stepped forward and grabbed Merlin’s upper arm with a vise-like grip. Merlin made a soft noise of surprise and tried to pull back, but a quelling look from Arthur made him go still. 

Arthur marched them both out of his chamber doors and through the castle hallways until they reached the dungeon. They passed countless people who gave them questioning looks, but Arthur didn’t look at or acknowledge any of them, even when a few of them bid him good morning. The dungeon guard was no exception, but he was smart enough to hand Arthur the keys when he held out his hand without a word. Arthur brought Merlin to the end of an empty row of cells and shoved him in. Merlin stumbled slightly, then recovered himself and turned to face Arthur just as he slammed the door shut.  
“Servants should know their place,” Arthur said quietly. But this time, he was the one who couldn’t quite meet Merlin’s eyes.  
Merlin watched impassively as Arthur stalked out of his line of sight. Once his footsteps had faded out of hearing range, Merlin collapsed against the wall, then slid to the floor as his legs gave out. He didn’t try to muffle the sobs that tore through his chest, or catch the tears that ran down his face. He just stared at the bars on the door, eyes wide and blank.

———

The day was long and Arthur spent most of it sulking in his chambers. Morgana stopped by twice with snacks and a confused, but empathetic look. All he had said was that Merlin was away and they weren’t on speaking terms and she had returned with sweets and random castle gossip. He tried to appreciate the gesture, but after an hour of silently listening to her chatter, he had asked her to leave. Twenty minutes later, his father had shown up with a rousing speech about how he would be allowed an off day as a prince, but as a king, more would be expected of him than sulking in his room all day. Arthur didn’t tell Uther any version of what had happened. He just forced a smile and waited for the king to move on to more important things. After that, his only human interaction for the day was yelling at the servant who tried to deliver his dinner and tidy up his room. He tried to feel bad about it afterwards, but he was simply too miserable and distracted to force himself to feel bad for long.  
Finally, the sun was setting over the distant hills and Arthur could see the hustle and bustle in the courtyard slowing down through his window. Instead of endless waves of people coming and going, adding their voices to the permanent noise that echoed throughout the castle, everyone was heading out into the village and towards their homes. And instead of sitting at his table or standing and staring out the window as he had done for most of the day, Arthur found himself pacing a frenzied path back and forth in front of the door. Occasionally he would pace a half-circle around his bed before stalking back towards the door and stopping himself just before he reached for the handle.  
Finally he was so annoyed with his own pacing that he simply went to the door and threw it open, storming down the hall without a thought for the door that was left swinging behind him.  
Once again he passed people in the hallway who gave him strange looks and admittedly fearful greetings. And again, he ignored them all. 

The dungeon guards were doing a shift change just as he arrived, but thankfully they didn’t seem interested in questioning his motives for wordlessly demanding the cell keys. They didn’t even hesitate too much when he nodded for them to stand watch just outside the dungeon. 

The dungeon was wrapped in a blanket of relative silence as he moved down the hall to the cell he had left Merlin in. Some distant snores echoed along with a continuous drip of water, but somehow Arthur still felt far removed from the complicated world of people. But the closer he came to Merlin’s cell, the heavier the weight in his chest grew until he could barely breathe. 

Merlin was curled up against the wall, long limbs tucked close to his body as involuntary shivers ran through him from the cold of the stones he was sitting on. Any breath Arthur had managed to suck into his lungs was instantly sucked out when he saw Merlin. A tray of untouched food was sitting near the door, but otherwise, the scene was almost exactly as he had left it that morning. Only...that morning Merlin had been defiant and unapologetic, standing there with his impossibly blue eyes and that strange expression on his face. Anger or bravery, Arthur still wasn’t sure which. But now....

Merlin hadn’t moved from where he had fallen to the ground when Arthur had walked away. Tears had made tracks in the ever-present dirt on his cheeks and his hair had fallen carelessly over his face. His eyes were closed now and Arthur might have thought he didn’t hear him coming except for the way his whole body stiffened, despite the shivers still running through him. 

Arthur opened the door as quietly as he could and nudged the tray out of the way as he walked into the cell. A shiver ran down his spine as he thought of being forced to spend the whole day down here in the dark with no escape. Only faint light from the window in the hallway would have broken the darkness. And now, only a single torch from the hallway made a dent in the dancing shadows that enveloped them both.  
Arthur knelt down slowly, setting the keys to the side before shrugging out of his light jacket. He tucked it over Merlin’s shoulders, then sat back slightly. Merlin’s eyes blinked open slowly, then hesitated before moving to Arthur’s face.

“You came,” Merlin whispered softly, blinking back more tears even though it seemed impossible for his body to have any tears left. Arthur’s posture softened instantly and his eyes filled with regret. 

“You must have known I wouldn’t leave you down here forever,” he said quietly. Merlin shrugged one shoulder slightly.

“Not forever, but I wasn’t sure how long your pride would keep you away.” Merlin shied away slightly the moment the words left his lips, knowing he had gone too far. Again.  
Anger replaced regret in a heartbeat, tightening the muscles in Arthur’s jaw. Arthur took a deep breath and, to Merlin’s surprise, when Arthur spoke his voice was calm and quiet still.  
“My pride has done many terrible things. Perhaps that is even the real reason you are in here, but do not for a moment think that I could abandon you for long.” Arthur reached out slowly and held a hand against Merlin’s cheek. “I—“ He froze, closed his eyes and lowered his hand. Merlin shifted slightly to see his face better, then he took Arthur’s hand and held it against his cheek. Arthur opened his eyes and sucked in another deep breath. “I have grown...fond of you, Merlin. And I think....lately I have been scared of where my fondness for you might take us both. I thought I was strong enough to keep my feelings for you in check, but this morning....my head lost the battle against my heart and that fear drove me to punish you for making me lose that battle.” He hung his head, lower lip quivering now as he fought back a wave of emotion. 

“Arthur....” Merlin’s voice shook as he hesitantly moved forward to hold Arthur’s face in his hands. “I am not afraid. And it is okay if you are. But please,” he leaned his forehead against Arthur’s, “Don’t pretend we’re better off apart. Because I can promise you, we aren’t.” Arthur barely let him finish the sentence before crushing their lips together desperately, pushing Merlin’s head back against the cold stone wall with the force of the kiss. Merlin let out a soft moan and ran one hand up to tangle in Arthur’s hair, opening his jaw to let him deepen the kiss. Arthur groaned too, but his was filled with a desperate hunger that had him fisting his hands in the stupid blue shirt that Merlin always wore. He wanted to tear it off, rip it to pieces and reveal the pale skin beneath, but he held back. As the crown prince, he could take whatever he wanted at any moment, but not from Merlin. Merlin deserved to be won over slowly with sweet gestures and soft touches. So he forced his hands to unclench, to run gently up and down Merlin’s sides until he was squirming.  
“That tickles,” Merlin hissed softly, pulling back to smile that wide, bright grin as he brought his hands down to stop Arthur’s. Arthur smiled back, a relieved light appearing in his eyes at the brightness in Merlin’s eyes. Merlin’s smile faded first, and he looked into Arthur’s eyes as if he was seeing all the secrets of the universe unfold. Arthur’s smile faded too, replaced by a look of awe and adoration. He tilted his head and placed a tender kiss on Merlin’s lips. 

“I never needed someone to make me brave before. But now that I do, I’m glad it’s you.”


End file.
